Digital Diatribe

Other than injecting heroin on a daily basis, owning a full head of hair and washing it daily is one of the most dangerous habits you can form. Let me tell you why.
Among other things, shampoo has anti freeze in it. (propylene glycol)
That’s right, the same stuff you use to stop your engine freezing over is the stuff you put onto your scalp on a daily basis. To top it off, when injested by the largest organ in your body (your skin you filthy minded lummox) it metabolizes into lactic acid. That wonderful stuff you get when your muscles cramp up.

And don’t think those of you who have fallen for the Naked Chick Outdoors advertising appeal of Herbal Essences are immune, because you guys have it extra special good. Clairol gives you a healthy dose of methylisothiazoline for no extra charge. Try telling what herb that comes from. Shit, just try pronouncing it. If that’s not enough to make your brain ache then you can try washing your hair with it, because studies show it could be linked to nerve damage in the brain. That’s not an orgasm that chick is having, it’s a seizure.

If you think washing your hair with just water is safe, you might want to think again. If you live in an area that uses recycled water then you are likely bathing in these chemicals that have washed off someone else’s scalp, because the beauty of these substances is that they don’t break down in water. So even if you switch to real organic shampoo, you might not be safe unless you’re also making your own water out of thin air, and then filtering it.

Of course, none of this is a problem for me because since I started wearing this fancy new tin foil hat it’s made it rather hard to wash my hair with it on.
Next purchase: A Faraday Cage with hot running water.

Whoever would have imagined shopping for bread to be quite so exciting? Not me. Not until I actually had to go into a supermarket with the sole intention of purchasing bread.

I seem to remember a time, and this may well be due to false memory syndrome, where the bread department in the supermarket consisted of at most 3 different kinds of bread.
You had your white, your brown, or your multigrain. That was pretty much it.
At our house, we had multigrain. Which made for really rubbish fairy bread, but that’s another post altogether.

These days, if you actually took the time to read just the name of every type of bread on offer you’ll be dead from starvation before you reach the end of the bread isle. Which would be terribly ironic because you’re in a supermarket surrounded by food.

If you ever find yourself so bored you cannot think of anything else to do, for a challenge try to find a loaf of sliced white bread that doesn’t have vegetable oil as one of it’s ingredients. A prize to whoever can get me a photo.

The number of possible choices when it comes to such a simple task as shopping for bread is mind boggling.
What is the advantage of added omega 3 over the goodness of DHA and folate? Why can’t I have both? Or should I go for an organic spelt? Or perhaps some Soy and Linseed? Which makes better toast? Is it good for sandwiches or will trying to spread butter on it tear it to shreds?

None of these questions can be answered by looking at the packaging. Which gets me to thinking if there is actually anyone out there who could possibly make an informed choice when buying bread.

I’m led to thinking the answer is no, and that most people go with whatever looks good, is cheapest, or vaguely fits the description given to them buy the person who decreed that the bread should be bought.

Which is why I’ve decided from now on I’m only going to buy my bread from a bakery. At least they can tell me for sure what’s in it, what it tastes like, if it makes good toast and any other annoying and idiotic questions I might have about bread which they would only be more than happy to answer but which would otherwise see me being escorted out of woolies in trendy white jacket with straps at the back.

Until next time…