Digital Diatribe

Other than injecting heroin on a daily basis, owning a full head of hair and washing it daily is one of the most dangerous habits you can form. Let me tell you why.
Among other things, shampoo has anti freeze in it. (propylene glycol)
That’s right, the same stuff you use to stop your engine freezing over is the stuff you put onto your scalp on a daily basis. To top it off, when injested by the largest organ in your body (your skin you filthy minded lummox) it metabolizes into lactic acid. That wonderful stuff you get when your muscles cramp up.

And don’t think those of you who have fallen for the Naked Chick Outdoors advertising appeal of Herbal Essences are immune, because you guys have it extra special good. Clairol gives you a healthy dose of methylisothiazoline for no extra charge. Try telling what herb that comes from. Shit, just try pronouncing it. If that’s not enough to make your brain ache then you can try washing your hair with it, because studies show it could be linked to nerve damage in the brain. That’s not an orgasm that chick is having, it’s a seizure.

If you think washing your hair with just water is safe, you might want to think again. If you live in an area that uses recycled water then you are likely bathing in these chemicals that have washed off someone else’s scalp, because the beauty of these substances is that they don’t break down in water. So even if you switch to real organic shampoo, you might not be safe unless you’re also making your own water out of thin air, and then filtering it.

Of course, none of this is a problem for me because since I started wearing this fancy new tin foil hat it’s made it rather hard to wash my hair with it on.
Next purchase: A Faraday Cage with hot running water.